The weeks leading up to Lottie’s arrival had me extremely anxious, way more than I was with Corley. I felt this extreme amount of pressure to prove my strength and birthing abilities, and I just didn’t know if I had it in me.
I had progressed further earlier than I did with Corley, but not enough fast enough, and the doctor scheduled another induction for me at 41 weeks and 3 days. That didn’t help the pressure I felt.
My parents arrived the evening before the induction was scheduled and late that night we all finally went to bed.
Or so we thought.
Corley decided that night that she was not going to sleep. I’m afraid she knew something big was coming, and she was not happy about it. Even when she would sleep, I couldn’t. During one of the many times that Josh got up to try to get her to sleep, I pulled open my phone and debated on reading Facebook. Something said to do it, so I did, and the first thing on my newsfeed was an article a friend had posted entitled “The Sovereign Hand of Sleeplessness”.
Seriously? I thought. This couldn’t be more perfect. So I clicked the link and began to read.
Conviction and calm came over me all at once.
I had been working myself up for this birth as if it was my strength, my ability, my superhero mom-ness that was going to get me through the next number of hours and provide me with glory among my fellow moms.
But as the early hours of the morning arrived and I had yet to get even a single minute of sleep, one thing was clear:
I was not going to be able to do anything on my own.
I was not going to have any strength to survive birthing a child.
I was not going to be able to do it.
But God has strength beyond my knowledge and grace beyond my comprehension and he would see me through it. It would be by his strength, his ability, his awesome power that was going to get me through the next number of hours and provide him with glory among my peers.
And he did.
I started writing the story of Lottie’s birth once before, but I had all the details about the birth and medications and blah blah blah that made me look good, but I didn’t publish it because it’s not the true story.
This is the true story and all that matters:
Early in the morning on March 4, 2015, after a very sleepless night, Joshua and I headed to the Wake Med Raleigh in North Carolina. I was induced at 11:00 AM. After a few hours of labor and a ton of love and support from Joshua, my nurses, and my family, and by the overflowing love and grace of God, I gave birth at 6:59 PM to a healthy, beautiful, 7 lb 11 oz, 20.5 inches long baby girl named Lottie Elizabeth and my life hasn’t been the same since.